I hate Valentines Day

I know guys will back me up here, when I say this has to be one of the worst days of the year, right after getting a colon exam and the day you find out your son is gay.  As you probably know by now, I'm a very visually-oriented person.  I mean, a picture's worth a thousand words, right?  So for those of you with a "sweetie" to share that day with, I'll give you a glimpse into my life. Here's the best way to put the way that I feel when I wake up in the morning:

Yup, that about sums it up.  You know what?  Even if you have someone you "love" or "whatever", I know of a much better holiday.  This holiday just happens to be on my birthday, but I assure you, that is just a coincidence.  Keep in mind, that if you are single this holiday still applies and I encourage all women to participate, because- you know-... umm.. it's the patriotic thing to do.  and stuff.

Guys, you know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines Day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do love them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure, seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created. April 8th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. That's it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable April 8th. Its like a perpetual love machine! The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, steak and BJ's. Thank You.

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